When a married couple can not live together comfortably the dissolution of marriage is called ‘divorce’.
Divorce ratio is higher today then compared to rates just 15 years ago: The causes of divorce vary from couple to couple but the research done on the causes of divorce by different researchers shows that
1) Lack of communication: is one of the leading causes of divorce. The divorces often happen when people rarely discuss their expectations in details and are less willing to work on their marriages and would like quick solution rather than having to resolve issues.
2) People who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced than people who come from happily married household. divorce seem less like a big deal if one has seen his parents go through with it:
3) People who get married between the ages of 23-27 are likely to stay together, than people who get married in their teens:
Some other causes of divorce are
1) Communication problem:
A marriage can not work when the lines of communication fails one can not have effective relationship if either one of the spouses won’t discuss his or her feelings can not talk about his personal issue and expect his partner to goes what the whole problem is about.
2) Financial issues
Money or aspects related to it is a possible cause of disagreement between couples married couple could conflict over such issues as shared financial responsibility, unequal financial status, undisclosed financial state: Over spending and lack of financial support evidence suggests that money is not always a primary cause of divorce but it is still a significant factor:
Forms of abuse:
There are many forms of abuse all of which are possible causes of divorce: this does not just include intentional and habitual, physical abuse, it may also come in the form of emotional abuse one partner may actively seek to degrade his or her partner through harsh language.
Drug and alcohol abuse as well as excessive gambling may also be used to a form of abuse there may be no physical or verbal abuse but the other partner would understandably have, managing finances and daily life with an addicted spouse.
This is one of the causes of divorce there are many kinds and forms of incapability of couple may be incompatible in anything and every thing they may not be able to find a common ground. Intellectually and emotionally. In case of incompatibility it might just be unbearable to live life if some one with you just not fit it.
There are many areas where man and woman are affected by divorce with more than 30 years of research now it is known that most rarely lead to a better life. Life expectancies (maximum age) for divorce man and women are significantly lower than for married people who have the longest life expectancies:
Research by Robert Coombs (1991)
“Those who are unhealthy but stay married are more likely to be happy than who were divorced”.
The health consequences of divorced are so severe that our researcher concluded that being divorced and a non-smoker is only slightly less dangerous, smoking a pack a day and staying married:
Harold J. Morowitz (1975).
“After a diagnosis of Cancer married people are most likely to be recovered while divorced are least likely to recover indicating that the emotional trauma of divorced has a long term impact on the physical health of the body.
(James S. Goodwin 1987).
Man and women both suffer results in declined in mental health but researchers have found that women are more greatly affected: some of the mental health indicators affected by divorced includes depression, self expectance, personal growth and positive relations with others.
Effects of divorce of children:
It is hard to imagine a more difficult transition for a child than to be a party to his/her parents divorce some fathers and mothers see divorce as their issue.
“We just can’t get along any more she has been unfaithful”.
Following are some perspective on the view of children in a divorcing family.
Fear of change:
Children in a divorcing family know that nothing will ever be the same again and their previously secure world is in a state of change. Many things with change not just that mother or father will not be around they may lost contacts with extended family on one side or the others their bed time, meal time after school routines may changed.
Fear of being alone:
When other parents are at OSS and are either separated or considering separation children have a realistic fear that may loss the other the concept of being alone in the world is very frightening thing for a child.
Children who have a natural attachment for their parents also fears using other secure relationships, friends, pet, sibling, neighbors and some times children are simply attached to their surrounding and moving into new surrounding can cause an understandable negative reaction.
Coping with parental tension:
Even thou many divorces follow years of tension between husband and wife and tension level typically increases during and shortly after a divorce parents who try to turned their children against the other spouse create on impossible situation for that child.
Initial reactions of children to divorce:
A study conducted by Sara Eleoff in 2003 concluded that divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children. Regardless of age or development level and many children are not prepared for the divorce by their parents the pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of a sense that a family disintegrates a grief reaction to the lose of the intact.
Family, laws of the non custodial parents and feeling of intense anger at the distortion of the family and strong feelings of power lessons. It is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change usual and customary support system tends to dissolve:
A major focus of the study on divorce is the grouping of common reactions of children by age groups.
Pre-school age 3-5:
Sleep disturbances, and fear of separation from one of the parents are common.
6-8 Early Latency:
Children have replacement fantasies that their parents will happily re-unite in the near future: Children in this developmental stage have a very difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce:
8-11 late latency:
Feelings of power tensions are the pre-dominant emotional response in this age group like the other developmental stages these children also experience a grief reaction to the lose of their previously intact family there is a greater tendency to label a good parents and bad parents and these children take care of their parents at the expense of their own needs:
Age 12-18 Adolescence:
Adolescence respond to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal, ideations and some times violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issue surrounding divorce and will often judged their parents decisions and actions many adolescence become fearful about their an future love and marital relationships. This age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show composition for their parents without neglecting their own needs:
Effects of divorce on parents-child relationship:
The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life including the parent child relationship emotions and behaviour psychological development and coping skills. Divorce has a significant and life altering impact on the well being and development of children.
Most parents exhibit varying degrees of disorganizations, decrease expectations for appropriate social behaviour of their children and the reduction of ability of the parents to separates the child needs and actions. From those of the adult diminished parenting is an expected short term consequence of divorce here is a serious potential for these changes to become chronic if a parents does not reconstitute the relationship with the child or involves in the new relationship which covers over completely the relationship with the child: parents can make the situation more terrible and insecure for a child both parents need to make sure the children understand that both father and mother will:
1) Still be their parents.
2) Act like parents.
3) Discipline them when needed.
4) Protect them from harm.
5) Follow consistent rules.
6) Will provide support for the child.
7) Both love the child and will remain in the child’s life.
Many researches suggest that children is at best when their divorcing parent, treat each other respect fully.
There are two sides of the divorce issue and while the negative side of how divorce affects children out weights the positive side, it is generally agreed that children are better off in a single parent home than in the constant turmoil of an abusive but intact family. There has, however, been very little evidence to support the argument that divorce is an advantage to children.